This is a story about working...
I work hard for long periods of time - very hard - and then I need a holiday. I don't mean sightseeing. I don't mean wandering round crowded cities. I don't mean rushing from place to place, catching planes, trains and automobiles. I don't mean having a packed itinerary of non-stop horse-riding, hiking, learning how to make stuff, guided excursions to sites of historical and cultural interest. What I mean is a holiday.
I work very hard and I get very tired.
It's very tiring working very hard.
If you do not work very hard, then you are not very tired, and you have plenty of energy to go off doing city breaks and travelling around, never staying more than one or two nights in any one place, taking local busses, doing lots of short internal flights. If you do not work very hard then you will have lots of energy to have a very complex itinerary and go off spending lots of money doing lots of things.
I work hard.
I get tired.
I need a holiday.
I cann't stress this enough: I AM VERY TIRED AND I NEED A HOLIDAY.
This is what a holiday is: go somewhere with nice weather, stay there, relax.
There. That's a holiday. A holiday is something you do so that when you go back to work you're less tired than when you started. I need a holiday. Is that clear?
Over the Christmas and New Year festive season, I did manage to lie on a beach lounger getting a nice tan and having drinks and snacks brought to me by a waiter. I did manage to relax. The weather was vastly better than it was in the UK and I was able to stay in the one place - no planes, trains, automobiles, busses, coaches, trams, timetables, itineraries, hassle, faff, stress, exhaustion - and I was able to go to the beach every day and enjoy the sun, sea and the sand.
It's been more than 6 months.
I'm exhausted.
I need a holiday.
I'm tired so I need a holiday. I do not need a complex multi-stop itinerary cultural activity tour with a thousand and one things to travel between, as some kind of non-stop torture for somebody who just needs to relax. That's not a holiday.
If I had tens of thousands of pounds and months and months without any rent or bills to pay, I could quite happily squander those tens of thousands of pounds ambling around doing activities, but I don't have that luxury. I work. I work very hard.
I don't get to sleep. I don't get to rest. I just work. I work really really hard. I cannot stress enough how tired I am.
I am tired.
Do you get this?
The solution to my tiredness is a holiday.
This is how I organise my life: I work hard and then I take a holiday.
That's how my life works: I use up my energy working very hard, and then I take a holiday to replenish my energy.
My energy is depleted - dangerously so - and I desperately need a holiday.
It's really quite simple when you understand these simple facts: I work; I work very hard; I work for very long periods without a holiday; I work on the basis that I will take a holiday when I need one, to recharge my batteries. My life does not and cannot function without the holidays which punctuate the periods of intense hard work. You cannot imagine how hard I work. You cannot imagine how tired I am.
I do not think you realise how tired I am.
Tags: #sleep #holiday #work #career #bipolar #exhaustion #fatigue