Nick Grant

This is a story about being price insensitive...

There is a desperation, a lack of ideas, a disillusionment with politics, the status quo, the instruments of government and civilised society, when people vote to bite the hand that feeds them.

However, we can't ignore the obvious message: people are pissed off.

Voting to leave the EU is clearly an own goal, an act of spite, made out of petulant frustration, a temper tantrum because people are not getting their own way. However, isn't the country supposed to be run for the benefit of the majority of the population? Doesn't this act of madness seem predictable, when clearly the powers that are supposed to represent the common person, actually represent the moneyed elite?

With no ability to vote a party into power who represent your interests, and with no ability to be able to influence policymaking to actually improve your day-to-day life, why wouldn't you seek to exercise whatever control you can, to express your distress, your unhappiness, your frustration?

We ask people to work longer hours, accept pay cuts in real terms, have less job security, no pension, no chance of buying their own home, no chance for their kids to go to University or better themselves... no hope. And for what? So that there can be another quarter of profit increase, just as the City analysts expect? So that some number on a spreadsheet can continue to grow... no matter how arbitrary.

80% of our economy is in the service sector, but over 60% of people are unhappy in their jobs, even though the working conditions look fantastic, compared with manual labour in a polluted industrial town, with its brick terraces caked in soot. Why on earth would people hanker after an era when we died younger, due to hard, physical work?

Well, those who run the economic engine of the country have completely misread the mood of the public. Highly remunerated professionals in London think nothing of spunking £6 for a pint of strong European beer and £30 going to a 'secret' cinema screening, where there's some gimmick like sitting in a hot tub on a rooftop.

There is a huge insular community of well-spoken, privately educated, fresh-faced young people, working in law, accountancy, management consultancy, finance, insurance, politics. These people are the entourage for a group of portly ruddy-faced men, who live in large houses in the London commuter belt. Between them, the lives of every single citizen of the United Kingdom are ruled, except they're completely clueless as to how ordinary people live.

Economists talk about how price insensitive people are. I literally don't care whether my coffee is £2.50 or £4.90. I just tap my contactless payment card, and walk out of the cafe with my hipster flat white. I literally don't care whether my lunch costs £5 or £10. I just go to whichever vendor I fancy on a particular day. I literally don't care that it costs more to travel on the Underground than on the bus. I just tap my card on the ticket barrier, and don't even look at my balance.

Everybody who decides how your daily life is improved, or worsened, is more concerned about where they're going skiing this year with their other young professional chums, than whether somebody on some shitty council estate can afford a box of fags.

Yes, Londoners think of themselves as cultured, urbane, sophisticated. Sadly, they also think they're somewhat in touch with the working classes, because they rub shoulders with people from all walks of life, as they travel into the city to clean toilets and wait tables. However, sharing the same streets does not equate to co-existence.

I used to live on a street in Islington, where the grand Georgian houses were worth many millions on pounds. One street away, there was a lot of social housing. You'd think that this is an example of an integrated society, but you'd be amazed at how people living in such close quarters are so successfully able to avoid each other.

While I used to dine in the restaurants of Upper Street, mixing with other City Boys, my fellow residents would head the other way, towards Hackney, where there were cheaper places to buy food, and the kinds of places I would never dream of entering: betting shops, pawnshops, low-quality takeaways.

Today is the starkest warning of where our society is headed: a two-tier system, where the 'haves' are living in a different world from the 'have nots'.

While those who wish to divide and rule have cleverly manipulated people's fears for political ends, this ignores the fact that the wealthy are busy stuffing the mattress with the working class' hard-earned cash.

When people realise they've been conned, there's going to be hell to pay.

Tags: #politics #europe #london #banking

This is a story about destiny...

Do you trust exit polls? What do you think about the predictions made by political commentators, newspapers, TV stations? Why is the UK's vote on membership of the European Union different?

Well, let's dig into my predictions, and why I think what I do:

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1. Brexit is going to win

What the heck? All the polls say that Brexit is behind. All the bets seem to be backing a vote to remain in the EU. The currency markets seem to be predicting that Britain will vote to stay a member of the European Union.

However, the vociferous liberal press has shouted down the ordinary person with loud cries of "BIGOT!" every time  somebody suggests that the UK should go it alone. Brexit has become synonymous with closet racism... and that's exactly where the average voter has retreated to... the closet.

There's a fear of sharing your far-right views, because people know it's wrong to bash immigrants and brown people in general, but with the anonymity of the ballot box, things are going to be a different story. The fact of the matter is that there has been a massive upswell of racist sentiment since the economy went belly-up, and the patronising voices of the liberal elite have only further angered the general public.

The people who are going to vote Brexit are the ones who have gone quiet. They are biding their time, just waiting for the time when they can put their little 'X' in the box, and stick two fingers up at Johnny Foreigner. They've given up arguing that "I'm not racist, but...".

Racists will never win a battle of wits, but they will win when they're allowed a free vote, anonymously.

2. We can't escape our destiny

Did you forget about the crippling debt in Greece, Italy, Spain? People have short memories and attention spans, but we are still suffering the consequences of the credit crunch, which is in turn a result of runaway borrowing. Not borrowing by individuals, but borrowing by governments with spending deficits, and by corporations that are trying to manipulate their tax burden.

The problems have not been fixed, and debt continues to balloon. Austerity and deep cuts have done nothing to plug the holes in an economic rescue plan that is deeply flawed. All that Quantitative Easing has done is to further line the pockets of a handful of wealthy people. There's no inflation, so the problem is just as bad, if not worse than it was 8 years ago.

Defaults and debt haircuts, write-offs... these are the only options, and distancing ourselves from Greece, Italy, Spain and other European neighbours, is not going to protect us. We're going down the shitter with them, whether we like it or not.

3. Cameron is ceding control to Bojo

How do you step down, when you have won two general elections back-to-back, and still save face? Well, how's about having a referendum to placate your predominantly eurosceptic party members, and then you can hand over control to a more popular and likeable leader, in readiness for the campaign for a 3rd term in power.

The macro plan is so painfully obvious.

4. The anticlimax is going to be so depressing

There is real optimism in the Brexit camp, as if destroying unions ever solved problems. There is a kind of delusional belief, that the woes of the country can be solved at a stroke.

Brexit is just the beginning of rebuilding everything that gets smashed, as we cut off our nose to spite our face.

It's not like we can drive immigrants out of our country with pitchforks on Friday, although I fear violent reprisals, whichever way the vote goes. The country is a tinderbox, just waiting for a single spark.

A vote to leave gives the green-light to yet more immigrant bashing. A vote to remain will result in disappointed bigots taking out their frustration in mob violence, rioting. Do you think Brexiters are just going to say "oh well, back to normal" if the vote doesn't go their way? In actual fact, it could be terrible, if they feel even more than ever that their voice isn't heard.

5. Political activation is destabilising

Even though I believe the status quo should not be maintained, having this referendum has brought people into the political process who were otherwise disengaged, disillusioned. However, there isn't the maturity there to accept that part of democracy is compromise, and with democracy also comes the responsibility to be mature, measured, calm, patient.

I see a kind of national hysteria everywhere I look. The language, the rhetoric, the aggression... it's appalling. The world looks up to us - to follow our example - as an advanced nation, and as a symbol of democracy. However, we bicker like children, we sulk, we tantrum and call each other names. We descent to the level of the playground. We are not making a fine account of ourselves on the world stage.

By pandering to the ill-educated, ill-informed concerns of the much abused general public, we have turned a serious question about how to lead our world out of economic danger, and sustain prosperity, into a silly game of finger-pointing and tit-for-tat measures, cronyism, cliqueness.

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Whatever result is declared on Friday, I expect that a genie is out of the bottle. There is no finality, no real result. Instead, either I will be living in fear of reprisals by a bitter disaffected group who have been dealt a disappointing blow, if we stay in the EU, or we will accelerate the dissatisfaction that people have in their every day lives, as they realise that voting to leave the EU has made precisely fuck all difference to their prospects and quality of life, and they look for further opportunities to express their frustration.

The world seems a more dangerous place, more filled with hate, less reasonable, less progressive and idealistic, thanks to this stupid debate, and pointless vote.

I pray that the vote is to remain, so at least we are not a laughing stock internationally, and as a nation we look terribly right-wing and bigoted. English football hooligans are already a national disgrace, but a vote to Brexit tars the whole country with that brush.

However, I totally get that the rhetoric of the Brexit camp has tried to leverage a kind of class revolt. I fear that it has been a little too successful at doing that.

Tags: #europe #politics

This is a story about national identity...

I will never be accepted in my place of birth, because I can't speak Welsh, I only lived in Wales for the first few months of my life, and I have English parents. I will never be accepted as a Yorkshireman like my Dad, or a Lancashire lass like my Mum, because I've never lived in the North of England, and I have a posh Home Counties accent. I will always be a Grockle (tourist) in Dorset, because I wasn't born there, just as I will always be a 'blow-in' in London, because I wasn't born within the sound of the Bow Bells.

So, I find all this talk of British national identity a bit laughable. This talk of a UK Independence Day, and "take our country back" is a joke. If you were to look at my passport, you might think I'm descended from Gauls, given that I was born in Wales where some of the oldest ethnic inhabitants lived... who perhaps escaped genetic mixing with Vikings, Saxons, Romans, Normans... but we know that's ridiculous.

The thing I like about London is that most people don't care who you are or where you've come from. It's a fairly meritocratic place where you can seek your fortune without being too held back by too many prejudices. It's a big enough place that any mishaps and misdemeanours can be overlooked.

I hate small-minded localism. I hate that "you're not from round these parts, are you?" idiocy... like it really matters where the hell you're from. I hate people who aspire towards some kind of backwards step, to a time when we lived in tiny villages and hamlets, in pockets of blissful ignorance. It's a nice fantasy, but it's never going to be a reality.

I've been that immigrant kid, bulking up a classroom that's already full. I've been in the minority, with a different skin tone from all the others in the classroom. I've been in the family that talks in their mother tongue, whilst living in a community that doesn't speak our language, and not observing local customs.

I know that while things are economically prosperous, there is joy in welcoming people of other cultures into our communities. There is novelty in observing and interacting with the outsider, and exploring the interesting differences between each other.

But when things turn sour and you're afraid for your job and you can't afford a house, and you start feeling pretty hard-done-by, it's natural to start picking on the odd-one-out. We're programmed to weed out the members of a herd that are different. As predators we look for the weak, the elderly, the young. As asexual beasts, we look for those who are most genetically normal, and reject the oddballs who might have undesirable mutations. We want those who share our genetic material - those who look the same as us - to survive at the expense of those who look different, who probably aren't part of our extended family, and therefore share our genes.

I get it. I understand this "look after our own" thing from the point of view of the selfish genes. There is no altruism, when push comes to shove and we feel threatened. And we feel really threatened at the moment. Housing, education, jobs, transport, healthcare, the economy... everything is screwed.

But you know what? You know who's really pushing you around? You know why you really feel threatened? It's because London is disproportionately represented. There's this little microcosm of politicians, lawyers, accountants, consultants and other highly paid professionals, who pretty much decide the fate of the rest of the country... not some bureaucrats in Brussels. You think the EU is why we have such a ridiculously financial-services centric economy? Is it fuck.

I know that in London I'm going to have the best of everything. All the tax breaks are going to go in my favour. All the infrastructure investment is going to be for me. All the political attention is going to be focussed on my concerns.

Yes, housing is a massive issue in London, but it's going to get addressed. Nobody dare let the concern of the City worker go overlooked, lest our precious position as a major centre for floatations, international litigation and the headquartering of some of the world's largest enterprises, be threatened.

However, 5 out of 6 people in the UK are not well represented, because we are so London centric. Do you think anybody much cares about the NEET (Not in Education, Employment or Training) on some God-awful sinkhole estate on the outskirts of a depressed Northern town, who is pissed off about their lot in life? Of course not, because they're neither economically nor politically active.

In actual fact, the tracksuit-clad pasty white housing estate resident, who drinks too much, smokes too much and abuses drugs, whilst having too many children that they can't afford to raise, is perhaps far more representative of the average citizen of the United Kingdom, than the suit-wearing, briefcase carrying City worker, with their well remunerated job in the service sector.

Yes, it's a liberal cliché to wring my hands with worry about the great unwashed masses. The voiceless angry mob outside London, who are in socioeconomic groups that mean that not even the advertisers care much about them, let alone the policy makers. However, something has captured the imagination of a much broader spectrum of British society, in this EU referendum.

Just as the killing of Mark Duggan was the catalyst for rioting in Tottenham, then in Croydon, and indeed all over the UK, it's clear to see that the motive for the vast majority of the rioting and looting was not to do with police action and race issues at all. It only took a trigger, for a wave of violence, vandalism, looting and rioting to be unleashed. People who would never think of running for Parliament or lobbying their local MP were literally voting with their feet, as they kicked in the windows of their local consumer goods vendor, and helped themselves to the merchandise.

I want London to feel as close to Berlin or Paris, as it is to Newcastle or Swansea. I want Europe to be united, but we are ignoring the fact that London feels very different from depressed towns and cities across the United Kingdom that are severely economically distressed, and politically ignored.

London cares more what the leaders of fellow European nations have to say, than what the mayors of other major cities do. What, for example, is the position of Liverpool in the whole Brexit/Remain debate? Nobody cares, in the newspapers that are written by London-dwelling journalists, nor in the benches of a parliament that sits in Westminster.

Distancing ourselves from Europe is the wrong thing to do. Bringing the rest of the UK into the decision-making that centres almost exclusively on London and financial services, is the right thing to do.

Tags: #europe #politics

This is a story about being a Francophile...

Vive la République! Having lived, worked and briefly been to school in France, I feel adequately placed to talk about some of the pros and cons of a different way of life that we aspire to.

Firstly, monarchy. I'm actually in favour of keeping the Royal Family. They're a great draw for tourists, and they give the UK a brilliant national identity. I like having the Royal Mail, Royal Mint and companies that are by Royal Appointment to various members of the aristocracy. Just as the USA has the stars and stripes, we have the Royal Crest and the Queen's head on everything. It's good branding.

The French might have cut off the heads of their aristocrats, but they still go nuts for all that royal shit. The palace of Versailles is still referred to as the Royal palace. The French still celebrate Bastille Day as if the monarchy were very much still in power: they ascribe a significance to royalty as if they had never actually become a republic.

What disadvantages do we have, remaining under divine rule? I can walk in the Royal Parks, enjoy looking at Buckingham Palace and seeing the changing of the guard, as well as all the other pomp and circumstance that accompanies the ceremonial head of state. It's better to sing God Save the Queen than some awful national anthem dreamt up by a committee, with its trite attempts to be inclusive.

Ok, so what about being a backwards agricultural nation of peasants, rednecks? Well, it's nice for a relaxing holiday. It's nice that the whole of France stops and downs tools for a proper lunch. It's nice there's still village life, with a butcher, a baker, a plumber, an electrician, a joiner and a builder, who are the mainstay of village life, under the Máire - the mayor - and people live a fairly old-fashioned life, where people shop locally and family life is at the centre of everything, along with good food & wine.

This is where I'm slightly divided. In the UK we have an 'always on' culture, where I can get 4G mobile broadband everywhere I go, and I'm constantly plugged into email, Twitter, Facebook. I eat my lunch at my keyboard and get crumbs from my sandwich all over my laptop. Village life in the UK has been destroyed as the commuter belts have moved further and further out into every pretty village with a railway station, within a few hours of London.

Sure, France has its cities, but over 50% of their working population work for the Government, and the spread of population density isn't quite as extreme as the UK, where the South-East is getting somewhat ridiculous, as London draws everything into its financial-services centric orbit.

While we're on the subject of financial services, would I rather be like France, which has had a relatively conservative approach to consumer debt and exotic financial instruments, or be like the UK where we're about as highly leveraged as we can possibly get? Well, apart from a few high profile cases like Société Générale, the French weathered la craque - the credit crunch - far better than the UK, which only survived because of the bailouts.

Basically, the UK is propped up on very shaky foundations. There is no underlying quality of life in the UK. Everything's on hire purchase, interest free credit, and the promise of work now, be rich later... screw spending time with your family or having anything other than work in your life.

Those who hanker after some kind of yesteryear could do worse than moving to France. However, you need to remember that a lot is lost in translation. Even with the best colloquial French, you're still not going to understand a lot of jokes, and pick up on the cultural subtleties. You're going to end up clustering together with ex-pats, swapping tea bags, Marmite and Heinz baked beans, and pining for England.

Certainly, if you have kids that have not been raised from birth in a bilingual environment, you're denying them the chance to really bond with their peers and get the most out of their education, and enjoy their childhood. They're always going to feel different. They're always going to be an outsider.

Gone are the years when France had significantly cheaper housing and cost of living. Gone are the days of cheaper food and fuel. Gone are the days of rustic farmhouse charm. Good riddance I say. Chopping firewood and fetching your water from the well, putting sawdust on your excrement in a freezing outhouse and burying your waste in the back yard... these are things that silly children like to do, because it's an adventure. It's not a way of life that we should aspire to.

Living without TV, Internet and high quality daily newspapers - ignoring current affairs and global issues - it's dumb. Just because France still manages to maintain a certain rustic charm and village idyll, doesn't mean that it's any way realistic in our globalised world.

In a way, the anti-EU sentiment stems from a history of mocking the French as cheese-eating surrender monkeys, who live some kind of hick outdated life. But there's also jealousy there. Wouldn't we dearly like to be as true to ourselves as the French?... protesting about every threat to our way of life, and insisting that our lingua franca is enshrined? The French are often unashamedly right wing and open about the divisions in their society. When we think of the Frenchman, we are likely to think of a farmer, rather than a Parisian, and hasn't our own culture been regrettably diluted by immigration, in a way that hasn't in France?

We look at the camps in Calais, and wonder why people don't just seek asylum there. Isn't France a safe country? There must be something desirable in our own country, but really, what we are saying is that we'd prefer it if people were just passing through the UK, rather than coming to settle. We'd rather be like France, where we have shipped our immigrants out to suburbs, camps, ghettos.

For me, a vote to remain in the EU is a vote of solidarity with Europe and with France. I want the UK to be more like France, and I want France to be more like the UK. I want to feel equally at home anywhere in Europe. I don't like these ridiculous notions of rolling back the clock to some unattainable yesteryear state, where we live in idyllic little villages and roll in the hay during an eternal summer.

For me the vote to leave the EU - Brexit - is clearly driven by this enemy at the gates idea that is epitomised in the Calais camps.

Frankly, I find the idea of building barriers between us and our nearest neighbour, most distasteful. Frankly I find the idea of rejecting our European identity to be complete madness, even if there is something emotionally appealing in the Union Jack and Her Majesty The Queen.

I feel a lot happier being a son of Europe than just a subject of The Queen. I like telling people I'm a European, just as a citizen of the United States of America would tell you that they're an American. I like the idea that I could live and work anywhere in Europe with no visa or work permit considerations.

Vive la France!

Tags: #politics #childhood #france #europe

This is a story about dirty tricks...

The Government and affluent Londoners have completely misread the public mood. There is a complete disjoint between the media, politics, and the concerns and struggles of the general population.

Youth unemployment, ballooning student debt, a lower minumum wage for people aged 18 to 24, unaffordable house prices, ridiculous cost of living... these things don't just affect young people, but also their parents. Parents are waking up to the fact that their kids aren't lazy & stupid, but in fact millennials are far better behaved than any previous generation. You just have to look at falling alcohol consumption, smoking and teenage pregnancy rates, to see that today's young people are far more responsible than their parents and grandparents ever were.

Meanwhile, there's a population bubble that is coming up to retirement age and hoping to collect a final salary pension - an income that is not at all linked to how much they have paid in and asset values - that is causing a massive deficit that nobody is talking about.

Everybody's dug into their trenches.

Students quite rightly demand the same standard of education that their parents received, but must get themselves tens of thousands of pounds into debt, and there isn't even the guarantee of a good job at the end of an expensive education.

Pensioners quite rightly demand the same retirement age as their parents, but are going to live much longer, healthier, lives in their retirement, and expect to continue an extremely high standard of living: 3 foreign holidays a year, new cars and large empty houses, with expensive luxury kitchens & bathrooms, lavishly decorated.

Parents quite rightly expect their kids to move out, live independently, get married, have some grandkids. But that's not going to happen unless parents share some of their wealth, and many parents are already worried about whether they have enough money to maintain their high standard of living. So, the reality is kids never leave home, never become financially independent, are never able to escape the demeanment of being dependent on their parents.

Driving this drop in living standards is the fact that the West has been exporting its inflation for years. The postwar boom years were achieved by abandoning the gold standard and printing money. The only way that the value of the Pound, Dollar, Euro and Yen have been propped up is by an agreement called Bretton Woods, which defined a basket of so-called "hard" currencies.

Now, the people of the developing nations are demanding payback. These people have worked far harder and saved far more money, than the arrogant West. These people are quite rightly dissatisfied with being economically enslaved by a culture that broadcasts its profligacy to the world. If Hollywood is to be believed, we all live in mansions, drive supercars, fly helicopters and know the President of the United States of America, personally.

People want everything they were promised, but reality is a real let-down.

Even in London, where the streets are paved with gold, we live in tiny damp flats, with paper-thin walls where you can hear every little noise your neighbours make and the din from passing traffic is incessant. We are like sweaty sardines on a dangerously overcrowded public transportation network, working the longest hours in Europe, in the hope of affording some ludicrously overpriced piece of real estate. Pollution and crime is all around us. Yet, we are high-brow Guardian newspaper readers, who deign to patronise the ordinary working people outside the M25.

Nobody in the provinces gives a shit about a few malnourished brown people. They just want the cushy life their parents had: with a free University education, a seat on an uncrowded train, a 9 to 5 job that has a big enough salary for one parent to work, buy a house, pay the bills and raise some kids. However, that dream is never going to come to fruition.

People have been disengaged with politics for years. The disillusionment with the instruments that maintain the status quo, has reached crisis point. The wealthy elite have been too greedy for too long, and they have completely misread the public mood, the will of the people.

We're going to have problems when even the middle classes become squeezed, because their kids are a massive drain on their finances. The middle classes are the ones who still wield some political clout, and can even become somewhat radicalised.

Finger-pointing at immigrants will fool some simple-minded folks who didn't pay attention at school and who fail to see the spine-chilling parallels with the rise of far-right fascism in 1930s and 1940s Europe. However, it's only going to buy a very small amount of time, before the UK descends into all out chaos and destruction.

While one generation goes on strike, to demand that their final salary pensions aren't touched, and the protection of jobs that have become unnecessary due to technological advancements, another generation will have their lives made ever more miserable. Young people have to suffer train strikes, on services that are already overcrowded and cost a significant proportion of their income, in order to get to a job where they're paid less simply because they're young, and their money disappears into the black hole of the pensions deficit, with no hope of ever owning a home and having the luxury of going on strike themselves, for fear of losing their job.

We are being turned against one another, and against minority groups like immigrants and Muslims, when the real culprits for our suffering are the public-schooled wealthy elite, who become career politicians and rule over us. The real culprits are those who take out more than they've paid in. The real culprits are those who expect us to work harder than they would work themselves.

The enemy here is inequality, not immigration. The thing that we should be correcting is the rich:poor divide, not dismantling the safety net of social welfare, and blaming people who suffer long-term disability, or immigrants.

We have been manipulated by the media and politicians into voting against our self-interests. We have elected politicians who have massively increased national debt, while at the same time making people more insecure in their jobs, less financially well-off.

Now, the politically inactive class have become radicalised, in voting for right-wing policies, and for relinquishing politically progressive ideals, which had given us greater protection for ordinary working people.

A vote to leave the EU is further playing into the hands of wealthy property owners, who want to see the clock rolled back to a time when there were no labour unions, worker rights and there was no job security or opportunity to better yourself. Brexit is vote to increase the power of a bunch of Eton-educated toffs, who have never done a hard day's work in their lives.

Yes, things need to change, and things need to change quickly, if we are not going to suffer a terrible rebellion by a hard-pressed working public, that could sweep away most of the advancements that our society has made, at great expense.

However, reversing the result of a referendum that was already held once before, is not the way forward. The House of Commons should be just that: representative of the common person. Getting rid of EU gravy-trainers simply hands more power to the wealthy elite, who have presided over a shameful decline in the British public's standard of living, for far too long.

Voting Brexit sends completely the wrong message to the elite, and to nasty bigots, like UKIP's Nigel Farage. Voting Brexit emboldens those who wish to divide and rule us.

Tags: #politics #capitalism

This is a story about jealousy...

This is a drawing, from memory, of my Dad's drug stash. This pot was made out of pewter or silver, and was about 5 inches tall. He lifted the lid with the little ball on top. The surface of it had been decorated with lots of little indentations.

Strangely, I was kinda jealous of this little pot. The care and attention lavished on this inanimate object was care and attention that I wanted.

After my Dad had taken his drugs, he became emotionally detached, sleepy, withdrawn from the world, intoxicated. There was calm - relief from angry outbursts - but he had somehow temporarily left the family, left reality behind, and all that was left was a limp body.

This is my main memory of my Dad: his drug-taking ritual, his routine. The painstaking attention to detail and the almost religious ceremony with which he conducted his drug-taking.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Tags: #parents #childhood #drugs #addiction

This is a story about working class heroes...

What could be more symbolic of the ordinary working Englishman, than the white van driver? What embodies the British working class more than a beer-gutted builder, wolf whistling at a pretty girl in the street, from the vantage point of their scaffolding? What could be more patriotic than the colours of the St George's flag, and a rioting football hooligan, swilling lager while chanting racial abuse?

Oneupmanship is rife, even when people are talking about reverse snobbery. People say to me "everybody's got to work" as if they're some kind of class hero, some kind of fucking Victorian chimney sweep. They see themselves as hardworking, and everybody else as angst-filled spoiled brats.

But, this is stupidity, plain and simple.

The fact of the matter is, people don't have to work. There is enough wealth, that if it was all shared out, we'd have over $200,000 each, so a family of 2 adults and 3 kids would have a million dollars. That's enough to live for 548 years, in the developing world.

In actual fact, we have been programmed - brainwashed - to believe that what we do is productive and useful and necessary. Somehow, the world's going to come to an end without those sales forecasts. Somehow, everybody's going to die if you don't fill in your timesheet. Somehow, all the crops are going to fail if you don't sell any insurance policies today.

I was watching a documentary about legal highs last night, and the film-maker asked a guy who was manufacturing and selling legal drugs how he could live with himself, knowing that he was fuelling people's addictions: "everyone's gotta work" he said.

I worked for a weapons manufacturer, as my first job after college. If you don't think to yourself "what is the negative impact on the world of what I do?" then you're a fucking idiot. You can't hide behind "everyone's got to work".

"I was just following orders" is the equivalent of "everyone's got to work". Being a guard in a concentration camp, or an officer of an army committing a genocide... those things are jobs, and everyone's got to work, apparently. It's pathetic. You can't hide behind a justification like that.

Anyone who says I'm lazy is going to get a boot up their fucking arse. I've founded multiple businesses and worked 100+ hour weeks, in a non-stop career that hasn't included any breaks, any gap years, any sitting around reading fucking books. I've been in full-time education and employment since I was out of fucking nappies. Fuck off. Fuck all the way off.

What I'm talking about is conscientious objection. Yes, we normally associate that with people who refuse to do a government's killing for them. However, the way that wars are waged nowadays is not with boots on the ground, but in boardrooms, stock markets and with foreign currency trades.

There's an arms race, where multinational corporations have enslaved the world. If I have an economic monopoly, because I have used my stock price in order to acquire all my competitors, I obviously control the labour market as well the ability to manipulate prices.

I can buy a pair of jeans from Primark for £7. How is that possible? Somebody still has to pick the cotton. Somebody still has to operate the sewing machine. We haven't entered a robotic futuristic world yet.

Here's a picture of the very moment that I broke down, and became so depressed that I could no longer work. This is the West's lie, their fantasy, their trick. This is a robotic distribution centre, where goods are distributed to stores, for your consumption. This is what we believe is the reality of progress, and innovation.

However, somebody still has to pick the cotton. It might feel like we're arrived in a futuristic utopia, but the reality is that simply the shitty jobs have mostly been offshored. When I decided I wanted to be an electrician, it's because somebody in a callcentre in India can't clamber down the phone line and come and fix your lights.

The lack of a tangible reality, in almost everything I did as a software engineer, really started to fuck me up. Where's the physical proof that something I did was useful to humanity? In actual fact, I had proof of quite the opposite, having been right at the very heart of the credit crunch during 2007/2008.

Turning on each other and saying crap like "get a job" and "everybody's gotta work" is such utter bullshit. People who have become depressed and can't work have got it right. Propping up a system that enslaves most of humanity is total horseshit. You damn well should be depressed about your crappy job that ignores the blatant crime of economic imperialism. It is unconscionable.

We are now living in such a highly-leveraged society, that nobody can take their foot off the gas pedal. People have skin in the game - kids - so they think they have to keep servicing their debts, paying their rent/mortgage, working their crappy job. People mistakenly believe that work will set them free. Work will not set you free - you toil for your own demise.

The worship of corporate profits means that people must work longer hours for less money, in real terms. Wage inflation is rock bottom, and that means that your wealth is inflated away. The cost of goods, services, housing, food... all these things have massively increased, but average wages have barely budged.

The brainwashed massses are now fighting with one another. Instead of being pleased that your co-worker got that promotion, we think "it should have been me". We think "I could do what they do" and secretly hope that our peers are just as downtrodden as us, just as hard-up. There is jealousy, resentment.

The crabs in the bucket are pulling each other back down into their prison, whenever one of them is close to escape. The working public are crawling all over each other, in a seething mass of claws and excrement at the bottom of a plastic bucket, just waiting for the day that they're tossed into a pan of boiling water.

The government encourages us to report benefit cheats and other victimless crime. We are taught to bully and abuse people who don't work. We are brainwashed into thinking we're some kind of fucking hero, for working a shit job that does nothing except perpetuate human misery and further compound global problems.

Have a kid, get a dog. Try to pretend you're really important. Well done. Gold star. You worked your job, without giving a shit about what it really fucking means.

This is the reality of how your cotton pickers and callcentre staff get to work. This is the future. This is what you don't see, as a consequence of "everyone needs to work" and feeling smug about what a hard little worker you are.

Tags: #career #banking #capitalism #politics

This is a story about being a civilised adult...

Now that we have the Internet and social media, as a platform - a soapbox - for every vile, uncultured, ill-educated, nasty little specimen of humanity, people are throwing caution to the wind and broadcasting opinions that they would have never dreamt of publicly sharing, before the days that like-minded fools were allowed to cluster together, bonded by their mutually unpleasant views.

We are not at school anymore. You are a grown up. Try to behave as such.

With freedom comes responsibility. Just because you're not immediately dragged off to jail for detestably fascist remarks, it doesn't mean it's OK. Just because you're getting "likes" and "shares" of your social media posts, in the echo chamber of your hate group, doesn't mean that your views are acceptable.

Freedom of speech comes at a cost, and that cost is that individuals must self-censor and control their primitive animal-like behaviour. Public hangings, stonings, witch burnings, fights... these things will always draw a crowd. However, it's our collective and individual responsibility to condemn barbaric behaviour.

So, here's a 10-step guide to preventing the human race destroying itself, by exercising its freedom without regard for responsibility and consequences:

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1. Should you really say that?

There's a reason why hate crime has been written into the statute book. You are breaking the law if you incite violence and hatred with your words. Just being subtle about it doesn't excuse you.

If Nigel Farage can stand in front of a billboard with a bunch of people with dark skin tones, and suggest that these people are the enemy at the gate, that's a hate crime, to my mind. Every demand to "deport" the people you don't like very much because of their race, religion or skin colour, is perpetuating hate and divisions in society.

2. It's not just about you

Occupying a position of global dominance and wealth means that our nation has additional responsibilities. While you might think that we should "look after our own" in actual fact, what you are saying is that subjugated nations should continue to toil as our slaves.

If you don't share the wealth, you deserve to have your empire toppled. Do you really want to sit back and enjoy the spoils of war, torture and human suffering? Have you considered the price - in human lives - of the luxuries that you enjoy, or are you simply demanding to be wilfully ignorant?

3. Since when did conflict become desirable?

Why do things have to be "us" and "them"? Making things into an adversarial situation feels good, if you're on the winning side, but it's not the civilised thing to do. Of course, I'd love to get a big stick and a gang of thugs, and go and rob my weak neighbour, but that's not the way to conduct yourself.

If you're digging into your trenches, and thinking of ways to defend your argument and promote your cause, you're looking at things in the wrong way. Try to empathise with your 'enemy'. We all bleed red and we're all pink on the inside. You probably have more in common with the group that you're baring your teeth at, than you even realise.

4. Ad hominem attacks are not acceptable

Ok, you want to have some debate? You want to have a rational discussion? Well, personal attacks are not allowed. They're below-the-belt blows, not valid arguments. Differences of opinion cannot be settled by bringing somebody's character into question.

You might not like my views, but they could be the right ones, even if you don't like who I am as a person. Anybody can put the correct argument forward: they're just a spokesperson, a messenger for rational ideas.

5. Your defence is paper-thin

By grouping together with people who share your vile views, you share tips on how to defend yourself from the onslaught of a world intent on civilising you. You have developed a set of standard replies to the obvious criticisms of your unpleasant opinions.

Saying "I'm not racist, because Islam is not a race" is a straw-man argument. You're being discriminatory over a group of people. You're attempting to use some pathetic words to excuse your disgusting behaviour.

If you follow the same logic, you could end up being a Nazi apologist "because Judaism is not a race". I don't really care what the basis for your hatred is... it's wrong to discriminate.

6. What are you striving for?

If your goal for humanity is to go back to some time that you're nostalgic for, you are a being a fool. Today, we have medicine, safety standards, leisure time, vast quantities of high quality food, global communication and the ability to protect ourselves from many forces of nature.

You can't "close the door" on some advancing horde of brown people that you don't like very much, just the same as you can't abolish the poor either. You can't wave a magic wand and we'll all be transported back to some kind of bygone era, where we all live in a land of plenty. There are 7.1 billion mouths to feed on the planet, and they all have equal rights. I hope you're not arguing for some kind of race supremacy!

7. Do your research

There's no excuse for ignorance. Education is a privilege that you have enjoyed, and if you're sharing your nasty opinions on the Internet, then you're obviously able to read. I expect you might even be dimly aware that there were a couple of World Wars, and millions of people died. What did they die for? So that you can perpetrate another genocide?

Why do you not automatically recoil in horror from things that are echoes of an undesirable past? Why do you not associate the camps in Calais with prisoner of war camps and forced labour camps? Why do you not associate the refugee processing centres with ghettos, where undesirable members of society were forced to live, during previous atrocities?

8. What are your motives?

What does "take our country back" really mean? Is it true that really, deep down, you feel cheated? You're getting a raw deal. This isn't the life that you were promised. You've been let down. The system has failed you.

Your anger and frustration isn't with immigrants, it's with the politicians who gave tax breaks to the wealthy and allowed monopolies to dominate the world. The rich got richer and the poor got poorer, and sadly, you're in the bucket with all the other poor people. The landed gentry don't care about you any more than they care about the hungry brown person trying to get into our country for a bowlful of rice.

9. What are your values?

Do you strive for equality? Do you strive for greater knowledge? Do you believe in freedom? How would you like to improve the human condition? Do you have empathy, sympathy, compassion?

If your goal in life is to simply have more for you and your family, have you really considered the bigger picture? Do you really not give a shit, that for you to have Sky TV and a new car, perhaps hundreds and thousands of people are going to starve to death?

10. No man is an island

Yes, it's a nice fantasy, to think of yourself marooned on a desert island with everything you need. You're going to drink coconut milk, eat wild boar and civilise the natives. Bullshit.

What are you going to do without your smartphone, built in a factory in China or Korea? What are you going to do without your fresh fruit, that you can get even in the middle of winter, because it's flown into the country from Kenya? Who's going to clean your toilet and wash your car?

Building walls, or saying that your borders end at the seashore is total rubbish. Are you going to stop going abroad to all those countries that you want to send those brown people back to? Have you even looked at a map, and figured out where your all-inclusive package holiday is on the planet?

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Why does it not chill you to the core, the thought of a world of divisions? Why does the idea of dismantling unions, co-operative pacts, systems of teamwork and collaboration, not make you upset and feel like we're going backwards? Why does the idea that a brown person has fewer rights than you, with your white skin, not seem abhorrent, wrong?

Seeing a young, fit, healthy man who wants to come and work, pay taxes and grow the economy, should be a welcome sight. The sight of a family fleeing war and conflict, should instill a nurturing instinct - we should be welcoming people, comforting them, accommodating them, not slamming the door in their face.

Yes, it's true that infrastructure is at breaking point. Yes it's true that traditional ways of life are under threat. Yes it's true that society is not well integrated, and people have clustered together in ethnic groups. However that's not a cost, that's a benefit of progress. I love that I'm able to hear nearly 300 different languages spoken in my home town of London. I love that I'm able to travel between different areas and experience different cultures. My life is enriched and improved, by embracing the very best that the world has to offer.

The people who uproot their families and embark upon perilous journeys in order to make a better life for themselves, are making a better life for everybody. The people who you want to exclude from society are motivated, hard working, industrious, resourceful, humble, worldly and bring energy and enthusiasm, that is completely lacking in a population that wants to rest on its laurels.

Our grandparents and great grandparents fought for our freedom, not so that we could horde it for ourselves, but so that we can share it. Our way of life doesn't need protecting, it needs to be distributed globally.

Freedom is not a commodity that's just for us. Everybody should have freedom. But the price of freedom is being responsible, and acting with restraint and human decency. Those who are free must be kind and compassionate, and share more. Those who are free must set an example. Those who are free must try harder, reach further, think deeper, consider the implications of everything they do.

If we don't act with responsibility that extends beyond our own selfish wants and immediate gratification, everything's going to crumble before our very eyes, and finger-pointing at immigrants is going to be the catalyst. While we wail about brown people and lament the loss of a bygone era that never existed, we will throw away the beautiful things we have constructed.

All this infighting and tribal, regressive, aggressive behaviour deeply saddens me, and reminds me of nasty kids in the playground. Aren't we supposed to have grown up?

Tags: #politics #socialmedia

This is a story about avoiding anonymity...

Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Crystal Meth Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous. Why are you hiding in anonymity?

I feel like former addicts are cowering in shame, fearful that the world might discover their dirty little secrets. People are tucked away in church halls, community centres and other meeting places. Tea and biscuits are served, and the ostracised members of society discuss the trials and tribulations of sobriety and abstinence, amongst their peers.

I've been to my fair share of 12-step meetings, and I know the format, the stories. I know that people are grateful to "the fellowship" for the lifeline they've been given. People reel off the number of days they've been clean & sober, and collect some kind of token for significant periods of time - 30 days, 90 days, 1 year etc. - as well as receiving a round of applause from the audience.

Families are quick to take advantage of a weakness, and to blame one member for their own shortcomings and failures. The addict or alcoholic is a convenient scapegoat, whenever things are not going exactly swimmingly for the family. Transferring all your guilt, as a failed parent, as a terrible partner, as an impotent sibling, onto a designated individual, is a damnsight easier than taking any individual or collective responsibility. Victim blaming is convenient.

Friends don't really want to get involved. When the chips are down, you'll find that most of your buddies are actually fair-weather friends. Very few people actually want to stick around when shit gets ugly. All those people who you thought were like your brothers and sisters... when the cash runs out and the drugs & alcohol run dry, you find yourself quite shockingly alone.

Providing peer-to-peer support, from one black sheep to another, is a genius stroke. Amongst those who have fallen, you're all equals. Everybody is tarred with the same brush. You can't bullshit a bullshitter, and so you're stripped of all the usual protocol that has to be observed as an addict or an alcoholic, in order to elicit human empathy that should be taken for granted.

If you tell somebody that some tragedy has happened to you, and you've fallen on hard times, sympathy is forthcoming as long as you're "clean & sober" but as soon as substance abuse enters the picture, suddenly your woes are believed to be self-inflicted, and therefore you're not a 'worthy' cause. The suffering addict or alcoholic has to start with a preamble, where you attempt to convince a hostile world that you're abstinent from the very things that comfort you, when you've been kicked to the gutter by society, friends and family.

Of course, it's enticing, to cluster together in groups of similarly excluded and misunderstood people. There's so much in common with these people, in particular the prejudice that you face on a daily basis. People talk about 'dirty' junkies, 'winos', 'drunks', 'tramps' and other derogatory terms. How quickly forgotten, the fact that at one time these trampled individuals were once somebody's cute little baby or smiling child in a school photograph.

The reasons for retreating into anonymity are obvious. Who's going to employ a former junkie? Who wants to live next door to a former addict? Who would trust their kids near a former alcoholic? Who would waste their time talking to a former pill popper?

When you hide the things that trigger people's prejudices, surprisingly they discover that they can actually get along with each other, they can like each other, and live together, despite the shocking stuff that happened in the past. When you go to an Anonymous meeting, you hear some hair-raising stories of the depths that people can sink to... but they're still people. We all bleed the same. We are all subject to the same weaknesses, the same faults.

I think that society is weakened when we allow the media to continue to portray an increasingly demonic view of the 'dirty junkie' while at the same time the fallen angels hide themselves from public view. When it becomes "us" and "them" and nobody's standing up and saying "I'm normal, just like you - we are the same" then the good vs. evil bullshit is allowed to perpetuate.

Isn't the whole point of rehabilitation to reintegrate into society? I don't consider it recovery, to have to stick amongst my 'own people', who are merely those who have been labelled and cast out of society due to life 'choices' that they made.

Do I really want a life of having to go to meetings, praising the fellowship, and sponsoring other "recovering" addicts and alcoholics? I hate that word - "recovering" - in the context of addiction and alcoholism. When do you become recovered? As far as I can see, the whole bullshit of a society hell-bent on labelling people, means that former addicts and alcoholics will never be considered recovered. They'll always be labelled. They'll always carry a black mark.

So, I've marked myself. The semicolon tattoo behind my ear tells the world that I've struggled with depression, suicide attempts, and then later, drug and alcohol abuse problems. And you know what? I still drink too much. I still take stimulants and 'downers'. Is it abuse, addiction? Is it fuck. We're all just doing what we've gotta do to survive.

Part of survival for me is making life bearable. Of course people who are abused and mistreated are going to self-medicate. Of course people who have unbearable lives are going to reach out for whatever makes life a little bit easier.

Frankly though, if we're serious about treating each other well, helping each other, we could start by letting people be honest about their 'mistakes' and past misdemeanours.

I'm taking a big risk, by having myself so obviously marked, labelled. I'm taking a big chance, having a public blog in my own name, covered with photos of myself, and making full disclosure of my entire history of mental health problems and substance abuse. It's either a gutsy or a stupid thing to do, but I hope it's the former, not the latter.

Somebody has to stand up and be heard, because silent and anonymous addicts and alcoholics are too much of a convenient group to scapegoat for the world's problems, when in fact the existence of substance abuse is symptomatic of a depressing, lonely and abusive world, full of hateful humans who have no empathy for one another.

While I don't advocate the use of drugs and alcohol, I strongly believe that people who have had to suffer should no longer have to hide in the shadows, and be punished additionally for their pain.

The burden that the addict or alcoholic must carry is more than any man or woman could possibly manage, and that's not fair.

Do you think I give a shit about how long I've been 'clean' for? I was never 'dirty' in the first place.

Tags: #addiction #drugs #alcohol #notanonymous

This is a story about jobs for the boys...

Do you feel like you earn your salary? What is it that makes you think you're worth your wages? How do you value your contribution?

If you work a physical job, you're likely to feel pretty exhausted at the end of the day. Maybe your feet hurt, your back, your muscles. Perhaps you judge your working day based on how much energy you've expended. Perhaps your job involves standing up, walking around, even running around. Perhaps your job involves lifting, stacking, moving, shifting. Can your value therefore be considered a function of how many things you physically move? For example: boxes of stuff from the storeroom, products on shelves, patients from beds, or children from perilous situations.

Maybe you work an academic job, or something you have to be highly qualified for. Perhaps you judge your working day based on how hard you worked in the past. You maybe had to really concentrate at school and do all your homework. Perhaps you had to go to University and at least turn up for some of the lectures. You're probably pretty pleased with yourself that you beat the competition to those limited places, and got the necessary grades. Can your value be considered a function of how stressful your exams were, and how hard it was to write your disseration, your thesis?

Maybe you work a high pressure job, something you really have to concentrate on. Perhaps you have no time to judge your day, because you're just so busy that you don't have time to think about it. You maybe have to take sales calls all day long to meet your targets. You're always talking to people. Or maybe you have to watch a computer screen all day, like a stock-market trader or an air-traffic controller. Can your value be considered a function of your ability to concentrate, and keep busy with the task in hand for the whole working day?

Maybe you work a caring job, or something that delivers service directly to people. Perhaps you judge your working day based on how many people you deliver satisfactory outcomes for. Perhaps you have had to work on a caring bedside manner. Perhaps you have had to develop diplomatic skills for dealing with people. Can your value be considered to be a function of how many smiles you get each day, how many thank yous?

Maybe you work a repetitive job, or something that requires very little problem solving. Perhaps you have plenty of time to think and it's quite clear what needs to be done, but there are only a limited number of hours in the day. Perhaps you enter data in spreadsheets. Perhaps you type the answers that are written down on forms. Perhaps you work on a factory production line. Perhaps you deliver widgets. Can your value be considered a function of how many of these repetitive functions you can perform in a fixed period of time? Do you take pride in the tiny efficiency gains you can make in a job that has been easily mastered?

Maybe your job is to educate, inform, inspire, entertain. Your job is to titillate the attentions of other people. Your job is to spoon feed culture to the masses. Perhaps you had wide-eyed ambitions about bringing song and dance to the people. Perhaps you thought you were going to be a war journalist. Perhaps you thought you were going to set the minds of young people alight. Can your value be considered a function of your reach, your influence? Do you know how many followers you have? How many viewers? How many readers? How many listeners?

But what happens when your purpose is cloudy, unclear? What happens when you can't see what difference you're making, either to other people or to yourself?

Why do you do what you do? Is it possible to work a job, just because it puts food on the table and shoes on the children? Is it possible to work a job just because?

Everybody needs to work, right? But what if your job is makework? What if your job is made up, just to justify the salary of your manager, who has to have a certain headcount in order to get their promotion? What if your whole industry can't justify its existence? What if everything that your company does, and companies like it, is completely superfluous to human existence?

What do we need? Food, water, shelter, warmth, social bonds. Where does insurance fit in that world? Where does a law firm fit? Where does a bank fit? Where do technology companies fit?

If you woke up tomorrow, and your company didn't exist, and neither did any of its competitors, would the human race keel over and die? If you work for an agricultural business, then quite possibly. We need grains, we need vegetables. If you work for an accountancy firm, I think we'll all be just fine.

I've got nothing against the people who work in the service sector per se but should we value those industries more than, say, fishing, farming, building & caring?

Do you think I give a shit about the protection of intellectual property rights of a wealthy corporation? Do you think that I respect the instruments of capitalism as an efficient means to do more with less?

Fundamentally, how many people are living miserably? We might point to increases in life expectancy as an indicator of progress, but what if those lives are filled with stress, anxiety, depression? What if those lives are miserable and isolated, unfulfilled, unhappy?

Official statistics say that more than 1 in 4 of us are battling mental health problems. In truth, the real number must be much higher, because there are so many people who have undiagnosed problems. We know from suicide rates and prescriptions of psychiatric medications - such as antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs - that problems are growing at an alarming rate.

There's a direct correlation between my lack of job satisfaction, and my poor mental health. When I've been happy in my job, I've been overworked. When I've stopped to think about what I've been doing, I've realised that I've been building systems that perpetuate human misery.

It's said that for every 1% that unemployment increases, over 40,000 people will commit suicide. I built a system for JPMorgan that processed the equivalent of $163,000 for every man, woman and child on the planet, in Credit Default Swaps. You think that money is better off locked up in the banking system rather than being in people's pockets?

If I'm building banking systems that process $37 million a second, why the hell are people living in poverty? Why the hell has the National Health Service got to be left underfunded? Why the hell is science underfunded? Why the hell have I got to work a crappy job that I hate, in order to make thousands of people redundant?

Rational self-interest, and the philosophy of Ayn Rand has led us down a very dark path. It's actually in our rational self-interest to smash the systems that take us on a race to the bottom.

Perhaps it's time to throw our clogs into the loom?

You think that you want an A-list celebrity life, with all the trimmings and bling. However, collectively wanting this is leading us all down a path that makes humanity miserable, depressed, stressed, anxious, lonely and isolated.

Tags: #depression #mentalhealth #suicide #career #banking #capitalism